It was quiet. For the first time in 11 days it was quiet. All the kids went back to school after Christmas break, even the twins had preschool and after I dropped them off I sat in my van and enjoyed the quiet. No one needed me, no one had to show me anything, I did not have to be prepared to answer meaningless questions at the drop of a dime, “Why didn’t Santa just have eagles pull his sleigh, eagles really do fly and it’s more American?” . We were together all day, every day, for 11 days. I feel guilty for doing the dance of joy when they all got on the bus but there’s family togetherness and then there is family TOGETHERNESS. 3 of our kids display the symptoms of ADHD which includes saying out loud whatever pops into your head (usually without it going through their filter, if they have one) so I have to constantly try to discern what I need to attend to and what is “thinking out loud”.
Overall it was one of our best Christmas breaks so I feel guilty that it is such a relief that everyone is back at school but I think that comes with the territory when you have kids after infertility. Somehow I feel like every day should be rainbows and butterflies because I wanted these kids so badly and now I have them. But I’m learning to let go of that concept and realize that some days will be better than others, parenting issues that we all face are challenging whether your kids came to you easily or after much struggle. You’d be hard pressed to witness a two-year-old check-out-lane melt down with a mother announcing, “Oh, it’s OK, the screaming and wailing is all music to my ears because it took us 3 years to conceive little Ava here!”
So after a little alone time today (spent at Target and the Grocery store) I feel more refreshed and I’m glad we’re all back in our own groove and I’m ready to be bombarded by more philosophical questions, “Hey mom, did you know that PARK spelt backwards is KRAP?”