I got it! TV reception!! Including the Olympics. I’m sitting in my living room right now watching them. Long story short, after three antennas (and multiple placements of said antennas) I finally got an outdoor antenna and convinced my husband to attach it to our roof. Now we get TV!! (Yes, I know the year is 2012.) I went on-line to read reviews of different antennas and one review went something like this:
1. Antenna was easy to install
2. Now my wife is happy
3. Any product that makes my wife happy is a fine, fine product
I love the olympics! Don’t want to participate in them but I love to watch them. Problem: we don’t have cable and don’t get TV reception. I went out earlier in the week and bought a fancy 360 degree flat antenna to hook up to our TV. “Just plug it in and watch all your favorite channels.” I plugged it in and got blips and bleeps of my favorite channels and NBC didn’t register at all. I tried it on the wall, I tried it in the window, I stood on the end table in the corner of the room and held it above my head…nothin’! I gave up. Returned the antenna, asked the guy at Radio Shack what I needed to do to get reception. He explained our city is in some kind of reception black hole because of all the trees and elevation and that we are just out of range of most of the stations. That sounded better than telling me I was simply incompetent in hooking up a simple antenna. He told me I needed to get a TERK antenna and that would do the trick. They are quite spendy so I asked the kids, “Which one of you doesn’t want to eat for a week so we can afford the new antenna?” Many of them volunteered their siblings but we had no takers. So I still don’t have TV for tonight’s opening ceremony. With all of this technology I think I am going to resort to calling my folks and having them tape it on their VCR (that’s a video cassette recorder for those of you born after 1982). Either that or I will be peeking in your windows tonight to try to get a glimpse of the games. Keep you blinds open for me!
Some think that being a stay-at-home mom can get monotonous, but my day is full of surprises and opportunities (it’s all about the wording!). Yesterday I was presented with two equally demanding opportunities and I just couldn’t decide which one to do first:
1. Clean the kids bathroom (we have 3 boys with bad aim)
2. Hose the dog-poo off the lawn mower wheels (we don’t even have a dog)
I’ve decided to bubble wrap my kids before going out to prevent any further injuries this summer. On Monday, precisely 7 weeks after Josh broke his arm, Lexi took a spill on her roller blades smashing up her arm (going down the same hill!) It was all scraped up and really swollen and judging by the pitch and volume of her screams I thought for sure it was broken. Took her in, had it x-rayed and found out it was NOT broken, very good news. Just really bruised up. I felt really bad for her.
I guess I could encourage the kids to just stay inside and watch TV all day, or go with the bubble wrap idea.
It is our 14th Wedding Anniversary today and to celebrate I’m taking all the kids to the Park Program Picnic for free Hot Dogs! I’m thrilled because I don’t have to cook or clean up, the kids will have fun and when we get home it will be bedtime. I have heard of couples that spend their anniversary together but that’s highly overrated. We convinced ourselves that our 3 day siesta last week was our Anniversary outing. So for tonight its face painting, jumpy castles and all the orange drink I can handle!
At dinner the other night we were eating spaghetti and my husband was wearing a white shirt. To avoid the inevitable (sauce-shirt) he took his shirt off. Looking at dad without his shirt Cassie decided to follow suit, off came her shirt. After everyone started laughing Callie wanted to participate in shirtless dining so off went her shirt. I believe this is where the “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service” policy began. My husband has been sentenced to 15 hours of family table manners training.
Sure everyone is familiar with a triathlon: swim, bike, run. But where is the challenge in that (OK maybe it is the distance associated with each activity as well as the stamina it takes to complete them all back to back, but besides that?) I’m proposing the new triathlon of Swimming with Kids, Rollerblading and Zumba! Yesterday I successfully completed my first triathlon of such. The olympics are upon us so you may watch preliminary races of swimming but if you really want a spectator sport watch a mom(or dad) swim with her kids. It’s like swim races but with a lot more screaming: “Mom, watch this!” “Mommmmm! Watch THIS!” There’s the parents screaming “Walk!”, the parent screaming “Don’t spit the water!” the parent screaming, “Do you have to go to the bathroom?!” Followed by the parent assisting the youngster out of the pool walking quickly (more excercise) to the bathroom, keeping one eye on the peeing toddler and one on the rest of the kids in the pool. The toddler says, “I don’t have to go.” The parent helps them get their wet suit back on and return to the pool. 4 minutes later this is repeated (those who are the betting type could place bets on how long that period is.) At the end of the event the timekeepers could time how long it takes each parent to successfully get all their children into the changing room with deductions given for each tantrum and each child that hops back in the pool right before reaching the changing room door.
The Rollerblading event would be more exciting than running because it is faster paced and in my case involved 5 of my kids. I took all the kids to the park. Lexi and I brought our roller blades, Johnny had his bike, Josh brought a soccer ball and Cassie and Callie had their trikes. There is a trail around the park with the playground at one end so you can see the kids the whole time. I told the girls to “Stay” on the playground so Lexi and I could roller blade around. I read an article once that stated that dogs can learn 7 verbal rules, “Sit”, “Heel”, “Stay”. Apparently it’s more like 3 for children and “stay” is not one of them. When Lexi and I were half-way around (her jumping over cracks two feet in the air with a ‘yahooo’ me trying to avoid wiping out at every crack) I saw the girls peddling their tricycles as fast as they could go on the trail. As I was skating back toward them I look up to see Josh booting his ball into a tree, retrieving it and repeating. This required a verbal cue from me (apparently there is a lot of screaming involved in this sort of triathlon.) Got back to where the girls were and they were so excited to “catch” me. Then made one lap around at the pace of a 4 year-old tricycler.
The last event is Zumba! More hip-shaking than biking AND my hair looks great afterwards because I don’t have to wear a helmet. Although less entertaining to watch, much more enjoyable for the competitors (5 words: fitness club child care center). I get to work out alone so I don’t really care what kind of music it is or whether there is coin-laddend shaky skirts. I just get to do something for an hour without getting interrupted! I take a class at our local community center so there is me, a bunch of other “moms”, a couple of gals home from college and a group of 60+ ladies that can cha-cha-cha like the best of ’em.
I’m not sure how to measure the successfulness of each event or how to train to be better at each one but I’m sure this new type of triathlon will catch on. If you are looking for a real challenge, stop swimming laps, running in a circle and biking a little on the road. The true athlete will have to work their way up to the S-R-Z triathlon. Get your rest, you’ll need it!
Tags: humor, mom blogs, mommy blogs, mothering, Olympics, parenting, parenting blogs, parenting humor, Rollerblading, swimming, Triathalon Training, Zumba
We shipped half the kids to camp and the other half to the grandparents which meant my husband and I had three (QUIET) days to ourselves. Guess what happened? We held a conversation that had 4 consecutive sentences! Really, uninterrupted, 4 of them! Then we just froze, neither of us sure how to proceed, like an English Language Learner that had used all the phrases they have memorized. We also ate a whole meal without getting up, at a restaurant even (there was a bread stick that had fallen on the floor under the table next to ours but I resisted cleaning it up!) Did you know there are all kinds of people who eat out that DON”T have children with them? I imagine it is happening in restaurants around the world!
We had a nice mini-vacation. Bring on the noise!!
On our way home from church on Sunday I asked all the kids what they learned or at least what the story was about. When I got to Callie I asked, “What did you learn at Sunday School today?”
“Trust God!” she shouted in a cheerleader voice. I smiled and was reminded that the theme of vacation Bible School was Trust God. That was the phrase they repeated every day accompanied by the action of bending your arm and then pointing to heaven. It was really quite cute. If that’s all she learns from church I think she’ll do just fine.
We finally got a little rain on Friday. During one of the downpours Callie looked out the back patio door to the deck. She alerted us all, “Oh no! It’s getting all wet! The green thing, Mom’s hotdog oven!”
I walked over to see what she was talking about…our grill!