Posts Tagged With: parenting humor

Bible Stories with Pastor Mike

Bible Stories with Pastor Mike

Bible Stories with Pastor Mike

When I went to tuck the girls in the other night this was the scene I came across.  Apparently Mike Wazowski had gathered all the bedroom critters to share the story of “Noah’s Ark”.  (I can’t make this stuff up people!)  I love the girl’s creativity, not sure how to channel it yet, but love it! -Cindy

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Frugality and Ecofriendliness meet Crash and Burn (or Freeze)

March 6, 2014 006Let’s say your husband emails you the gas/electric bill…again…and you want to make a difference so you go out and buy a programmable thermostat.  Let’s say you want to surprise your husband with your frugality and ecofriendliness all in one big surprise so you decide to install it yourself.  Yep most of you are already thinking “bad idea”.  But the box boasted “5 Minute Installation” (I’m not that gullible, I didn’t fall for the 3-step roof installation advertised last spring, STEP 1: remove shingles, STEP 2: install new shingles, STEP 3: Sit back and enjoy your new roof).  But I’m handy, I’ve fixed toilets, lawn mowers, water softeners, Ken dolls, you name it, so I thought I could do it.  Here’s how it went down:

1. I waited until 4:00 to install it (the help-line closes at 5)

2.  I asked Lexi to stand-by with the phone to call 911 if I got zapped (she strangely got a kick out of that job)

3.  Our old thermostat is from 1954…literally

4.  The new directions included phrases like (“the color of the wire does not necessarily correspond with the color of the terminal”) that makes a lot of sense, so the blue wire doesn’t go in the blue “clippy thing”?

5.  When I had it all connected (I didn’t get zapped) I turned it on (23 minutes later) and PRESTO…nothing

6.  I called the help-line, was put on hold for 20 minutes, finally gave up (had things like dinner to make and oh, look we’re short one kid, better go pick him up from school)

7.  When husband got home proudly showed off our new cost-saving device, told him we’d really be saving money that night because we wouldn’t be using any heat at all

8.  Wake up to a balmy 57 degrees.  Hear how cold it is from the lovely inhabitants of our home.

9.  Husband and I work together to try to fix it.  Husband has to go to work.

10.  Email our old contractor for a referral for a HVAC person.

11.  Call the help-line again.

12.  After being on hold for 15 minutes get a live person.

13.  As soon as I start talking, one of the children walks in and begins to prepare his lunch.  Just as I begin to explain the problem said child takes out the big bag of chips and crumples and uncrumples it OVER AND OVER.  I give him “the look”…he doesn’t get the message.

14.  With one frozen hand covering the receiver I “calmly” ask said child to leave the room.

15.  “Who me?” he asks.

16.  Eye’s bug out of my head

17.  Child leaves, I continue troubleshooting conversation with thermostat lady on the phone.  I find out the blue wire doesn’t go in the blue terminal.  In fact she doesn’t know what the blue wire is for, but if I would like I could call Honeywell to find out.

18.  Follow the directions, flip on the power and PRESTO…yes, we have heat!

19.  Call husband to receive accolades on my wonderful accomplishment

20.  Instead receive teasing, “You know, maybe people install thermostats in the spring, or fall, you know, when it’s not so cold.”  Suddenly get a bad connection on my phone.

21.  Decide to go out to lunch with the money I saved on the install, (I’ll let you know how much I collect from my false advertising suit…anyone know a good lawyer?)

-Cindy

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What Every Mother Wants to Hear

kitten 2We’ve been discussing getting a pet at our house.  Cat, dog, fish…rock.  The conversations have been going on for a while and we (the parents) are just not quite ready to pull the trigger on any big decisions.  So the other day we were driving home from church and I overheard the kids talking about getting a kitten.

Child 1: “Oh, kitties are so cute we have to get a cat!”

Child 2:”We can’t get a cat, mom is allergic.” <long pause>

Child 1 in a whispered conspiracy voice: “Let’s get a new mom.”

(I had to laugh!)

-Cindy

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Whoa, Hold On, Not So Fast!

Lost Tooth Callie 001The universe needs to stagger these things.  Yesterday Callie lost her first tooth.  My baby!  She’s growing up.  It got loose on Monday and by Tuesday it was gone.  We haven’t read any tooth fairy books, haven’t made anything out of a paper plate related to tooth fairies.  (She has seen the Rise of the Guardians so she wasn’t completely in the dark.)

I know, it’s just a lost tooth, so I was surprised how sad it made me feel that these type of milestones are almost over for my mothering years. 

But last night as I was reflecting on how few “firsts” I have left with my kids I looked out the window to see my oldest son getting out of the car.  He waved to his friend…who was in the DRIVER’S SEAT!  The preschool kid that grew up down the street is DRIVING!  His friend is a great kid and I’m sure will be a great driver but this makes their world so much bigger.  My radius for worry will have to expand…or maybe my radius of faith will have to.   

I’ve never been one to say, “Oh, they grow up so fast!” (Just spend five minutes in my house and you’ll know why.) But it was a wake up call yesterday that “my little ones” are all growing up and I get to be a part of that…and that is sweet.

-Cindy

 

 

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Help Bring Back Global Warming

March 18, 2013 002Yeah ,yeah, I know all about the importance of being environmentally conscious, the threat of global warming, and polar bear habitats but maybe we’ve gone too far?  (I live in Minnesota.  It was 12 below this morning.  Apparently other parts of the nation are having a bit o’ difficulty with oh, let’s just say, below normal temperatures and freaky weather patterns.)  Maybe all this conservationism has actually reversed global warming and we are all headed uncontrollably for some sort of global deep freeze (anyone concerned about the desert rat’s habitat?).

All I’m saying is maybe we need to reverse some of our conventional thinking to even-out the atmosphere (for the sake of the desert rat… and stay-at-home-moms who may no longer be a functioning part of society if school is canceled one more day this winter.)

Here is my 3 part plan (I’m taking credit for this plan however there was a part of Obama’s speech on Tuesday that I missed when I had to get up and supervise teeth brushing, so he may have already made these suggestions.):

flourescent lightbulb1.  We need all Americans to change-out their new flourescent bulbs for the old energy suckers.

2.  Leave the lights on and crank up your thremostat…to 80…for a week.

3.  If you drive a Prius…stop.

If we all pitch in together we should be able to warm this planet up!

Thank you for your time,

-Cindy

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What a Glorious Opportunity Today

What a glorious opportunity it is today that school has been cancled…again…due to cold weather.  I was just thinking that I really don’t get enough time with all six kids at home, at once, all in the same square footage, with the lucky break that it is too cold for them to go out to play or go anywhere.  Days like these are few and far between (except for last Monday…and next Monday for grading day…and President’s day…and the last Fri of Feb. for conferences…and oh yeah that 18 day stint of winter break…).  I think we will spend some quality time bonding:

Joey-laundry

Johnny-bathrooms

Josh-his room

Lexi-floors

Cassie-play room

Callie-dishes

Ah yes, what a beautiful day!

-Cindy

 

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You’ll Know Which Kid is Mine

undershirtMiddle School band concert tonight.  A week ago I asked my son if he had everything he needed (black pants, black shoes, white shirt).

“Yup!”

“You have a nice white shirt?”

“Yup!”

You know mother’s intuition?  It was created for a reason.  This morning I had him lay his things out so he would be ready to go.  That “nice white shirt” we talked about?  Oh yeah…white undershirt!

Anybody see that angry lady at Target today with the dress shirt in her cart…yeah, that was me.

-Cindy

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“Snow” Day (Again)

glass of wineCracked open a bottle of wine around noon today when I found out that school was canceled AGAIN tomorrow (perspective: the kids had 16 days off for winter break and then they had today off for extreme cold weather and now…now they have tomorrow off…need I say more?).  My very resourceful teenager called to say, “Hey mom did you hear we don’t have school tomorrow again? (long pause while I picked myself up off the floor) and if it is still too cold on Wednesday they will have to cancel school the whole week ’cause you can’t have a 2 day school week.” (Not sure if that’s true or not, but the thought of it made me pour another glass).

“Hey, yeah, thanks for that info JOEY!”  I could tell he was beaming at the other end of the phone.

You know that song “Heart and Soul”?  I taught Lexi and Johnny how to play that on day 2 of winter break.  They have been practicing…a lot.  So I am going to sit here with my glass of wine at noon, listening to Heart and Soul…go ahead and judge!

-Cindy

-C

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9 Kids and a Plate of Fudge

fudgeSo there are 9 kids in my house right now (we’re on day 11 of Christmas break…not that I’m counting).  The kids have friends over and one of the friends’ moms brought over a plate of fudge.  So all the kids are downstairs (its a wonderful mix of no screaming and yet not so quiet that you know they’re up to something) and I am eating all the fudge.  This is a great way to end the year.  A house full of happyish kids and more chocolate per square inch than should be legal.

Cheers to Fudge and Family in 2014 (quite possibly in that order…this fudge is REALLY good!)

-Cindy

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My First Magazine Publication!

My article appears in the Laugh Out Loud column!

My article appears in the Laugh Out Loud column!

I am officially a published author!!  I wrote a humorous article for TWINS magazine and it was published in this months issue.  It is about Cassie and Callie’s first season of soccer.  You can check it out here in the Laugh out Loud column:
TWINS Magazine Holiday 2013 Issue I have another article that has been accepted for publication that will be coming out in January (Focus on the Family’s Thriving Family magazine) and I’ll have my new website which will host this blog, ready in January.  Stay tuned! -Cindy

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